Accepting my style.

December 7, 2024

something i’m curious about:

i often feel a strong pull between two extremes when i’m creating. on one hand i am deeply inspired by (and desire to create) moody yet colorful, sophisticated yet crude, earthy works. (remember my last post?) cool. i want to be cool. yet when i’m actually creating i don’t really know how to do that. instead i feel pulled towards loud, bright, and often childlike colors. tight where i should be loose. too clumsy where order would help.

*_{inspiring artwork by various artists; references linked below by corresponding number}*

when i try to force my work to be like the work i love (above) it doesn’t feel like mine and i don’t enjoy the process; but when the work feels like me/feels right while i’m making it…when i compare my end result to others’ i also feel a little embarrassed. disappointed. that i am not who i desire. that i’m unable to make that work.

*_{a collection of my work that felt wonderful to make}_{(which also do not fit with the first moodboard)}*

and one part of me says “accept your hands. stop being ungrateful.” and another whispers “but if you just tried a little harder…”

do you know what i mean lol

so i did what any responsible, emotionally intelligent adult would do, i asked chatgpt. (specifically the eckhart tolle chatgpt called ‘eckhart’ that my friend sara told me about)

here’s what it reminded me:

the tension i feel between these two things, the idea of who i think i should be, and the truth of who i am in this moment, is deeply human
creativity arrives from presence, not from striving
the more i try to ‘become’ something, the more i live from my thoughts, cutting me off from true creativity that’s happening now, in this moment
my embarrassment is from my mind, my ego, judging the authentic me (what comes out in the moment, my ‘childlike’ work) against an imagined ideal (‘earthy, crude yet sophisticated’, etc)
the whisper, the beckoning to ‘just try a little harder..’ is from a part of me that believes i am incomplete, and must work to be whole
beneath the whispers and judgement is a stillness, where true creativity flows
this is an invitation to honor my authenticity. each time i accept, i dissolve the pull of the extremes
the work i’m inspired by is someone else’s authenticity <3
feel the joy of simply being in the act of creating. this is where true art lives.

so with that said, i think i’m just going to let myself be okay with my pink cats and baby christmas raccoons. i feel so happy, and dare i say, fun, when i’m creating them. feelings that i don’t often access in other parts of my life.

and of course i’ll remember to be grateful and supportive to all the artists around the world who show up and make things that amaze me. thank you for making your artwork.

references from collage one:

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